shitty horoscopes book ix: the body and the wreckage.
each sign rules a body part, though which part will vary depending on who you’re talking to. this volume marks a year to the inception of the shitty horoscopes series.
Hello! This is a Steven Universe Theory that I have developed over some time. For those of you that have no idea what Steven Universe is, stay tuned anyways for stuff about rocks. This theory is specifically about a mysterious object seen in Steven Universe Episode 35 “Lion 3: straight to video”. This mysterious object is shown in a bubble floating on a small ‘island’ inside the character lion’s mane. The small ‘island’ is amidst a large field of pink fur, but the island itself is covered grass, a large tree, and various items that seem to hold some type of importance, such as a battle flag, a t-shirt that holds significance as being a gift to the character ‘Rose’, and a sword. Among these items is the bubbled object that, upon closer inspection, has the distinct ‘stairstep’ pattern and general shape of the human grown version of the element Bismuth. Due to the fact that the manmade version of Bismuth is technically a crystal, it shall be assumed for the purposes of this theory from here on out that the object inside the bubble is bismuth. Now, let us consider some facts known about Bismuth.
1 – It is a crystal. It is considered a crystal due to the uniform pattern in which its atoms are arranged.
2 – Oxidation gives the crystal a pink hue.
3 – it is one of the least toxic metals of its kind.
4 – It is incredibly slightly radioactive. Probably not too important, but a fun fact to know.
5 – It is most commonly Man made
Ok, with those facts let’s begin with the theory itself.
What is the thing in the bubble. As stated earlier, all of its known characteristics point towards the bismuth crystal. However, what exactly is it in terms of the show? Well, lets look at what we know. We know that, as far as we have been shown in the show, anything that is a gem or anything that is crystalline in structure appears to be sentient (or at least used to be in the case of the corrupted gems). This leads to the idea that it is not some form of weapon or other inanimate object, but rather that it is another gem. The second thing that we know and is what I believe to be a rather important detail is that Bismuth is most commonly a man made crystal. Now, there are many man made crystals, but this one is unique in that it is also a chemical element. This is important because it leads me to believe that the gem in the bubble was created much differently than the other gems. Perhaps the gem was rose’s attempt at creating a gem that doesn’t destroy the earth when it is made, however there is no evidence to support this. Another idea is that it is some type of gem made to oversee the Kindergarten, as it has heavy ties to being artificially constructed itself. This idea also has very little evidence to support it however. My personal favorite idea is that it is a gem created by rose as a type of ‘Artificial intelligence’ to be friends with Steven perhaps. or perhaps to carry her own consciousness after she was gone, so Steven could know what she actually was like. This is supported by the names of some upcoming episodes names that hint at episodes in which Rose can meet Steven.
To be completely honest though, we simply will not know until we learn more. But hey, that’s what a theory is all about anyways.
Always keep in mind that being body positive does not mean you don’t get self conscious.
I still get self conscious about wearing shirts that fit a little snug.
I’m newly single and I still get scared about getting undressed in front of another person.
I worry if I feel bloated or that I gained weight.
This is a part of unlearning the beauty standards imposed on you during your lifetime. It’s something you’re going to struggle with, possibly forever. Being body positive doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel insecure.
Being body positive means you see these insecurities, and you don’t let them take away from your sense of self worth.
You can be self conscious, but never for a second think that you aren’t beautiful and loved and worth it. You are.
an imaginary person named deez nuts polled 9% on an actual presidential poll and it was reported nationwide and people have to be told not to write him in and throw away their vote because it might mean donald fucking trump, a man who everyone hates with a toupee that looks like it was photoshopped on, actually does get elected because he is actually running. oh and despite a general lack of recent campaigning, let us not forget: wocka flocka flame also very much did declare his candidacy. wocka flocka fucking flame
and then, amongst this political farce, banksy is building a theme park. a real, actual theme park. a man who became famous originally due to his street art. is building a theme park. can you think of a single thing less street art than a fucking theme park??? how many people have signed off on this?????? how much money??? fucking
also there is a website where people can vote on the names for planets outside our solar system and some are legit sounding and some are like?? “descending fish” or whatever??? actual planets in actual space what the fuck
oh, right, and then in the only political news that seems like a genuinely good idea i’ve heard in months, there was that whole thing where, due to how dismally bad their economy has been for so long, they have started a kickstarter for the country of greece. that sounds so fake! that doesn’t sound like a real thing none of these do they sound like onion articles but when i heard about it i was like that’s a great idea i hope it works bc i’ve got a friend in greece and i know how bad it is there and it’s not getting the attention it needs
at this point i feel like no news item could surprise me, you could be like “florida has literally broken off of the continent due to popular vote and is now chillin with the bahamas and it is messing up the american economy which secretly is heavily reliant on citrus export and the daytona 500″ and i’d be like sure that sounds reasonable! absolutely!
i’d believe if if scientists were like “new study proves that birds control the weather” at this point and it would probably not be the weirdest shit i heard that week
when the fuck did our universe start being a performance art piece co-written by monty python and the firesign theatre
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